
On the upside, I use this door to leave work early and never have to feel an ounce of guilt.
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On the upside, I use this door to leave work early and never have to feel an ounce of guilt.

Hey, it’s not my fault my wife packed me a crap sandwich.
Submitted by: tommy d

Foil blocks out the secret government mind-control rays, and also all that liberal conspiracy book-learnin’. Very handy stuff.
Submitted by: Mugombie

If time travel is too rich for your blood, there’s always speed. Who needs sleep anyway? Think of everything you could get done with those hours!
Submitted by: Unknown

‘Stock options’ is just slang for bruised-up knees. Don’t you ever forget that.
Submitted by: David Miller

I don’t recall the Hulk eating Lean Cuisines in the original comic books, but I guess I’ll go ahead and take your word for it.
Submitted by: Unknown

Man. Limitless power source. Machien. Problem?
Submitted by: Unknown

Um, no. It is Saturday and nothing is gonna stop me from having sex with my new truckstop girlfriend, Sheila.
Submitted by: Unknown

But sharpies get me way more high than the dry erase markers!
Submitted by: Unknown

Cash Rules Everything Around Me, but so does 4chan vocabulary.
Submitted by: buttslol